I'm leaving...

Just to let you know that I have moved. Visit me often at www.guidanceforvictory.wordpress.com to keep in touch! It may take me a few posts to learn all the bells and whistles, so hang in there with me.http://www.guidanceforvictory.wordpress.com

A different experience

There's something that's been bothering me since Sunday. I just need to get it out, and I have prayed about it, but I also want your oppinion. Let me start off by giving a little family background. My maternal grandparents took me to church when I was a kid, and I was baptized around age 9 I think. My mom would attend sometimes. During my teen years I went to a much smaller church with my best friend. We were active in the youth group there. I went off to college and strayed away from church. (There are two branches to this tree, so bear with me please. ) The first branch is my husband. I actually met Brian at college. I shared an apartment with two friends, one who left me way too soon! Love ya Stace!! Brian also had an apartment two doors down. It was my first year, and his last. He graduated and went to Purdue for two more years. I finished college and moved back home to start my nursing career. I was working crazy hours, and church never seemed to fit into my schedule. Brian proposed on Christmas day, and we were married in July after he graduated. We didn't have a church, so we picked one that was about halfway for both our families to drive to. We met with the pastor, and had one session of pre-marital counseling. It was really good. We later received a phone call that the pastor had left, no details, but if we wanted to get married, we needed to provide a pastor, or take their fill in. We chose my uncle, and he flew in and performed a beautiful ceremony.

Skip forward about 8 years. This is the second branch, and it involves my dad. I don't recall him ever attending church when I was little. My mom's dad told him he had to be baptized to marry my mom, so he did that, but wasn't much of a follower. He believed in God, but wasn't living it. Long story short, I wish you could meet him and hear his testimony. He is filled with the Holy Spirit, and it flows out of him when he speaks. Dad was at a low place, and he cried out to Jesus, and instantly dad felt His presence. From that moment on, he has been an inspiration to me and many others. So Brian and I started taking the kids to church. A really big church, where it is easy to get lost in the crowd. I joined a small group for a bible study, but Brian wouldn't go because it's not his thing. He was baptized 4 years ago, on the same day as his brother.

This is where the story gets hard. I feel like just attending church on Sunday is not enough, and he has a different view. I have tried many times to initiate a bible study with him, and failed. I pray for him, and I try to be the good example for him, but it seems like everywhere else he goes, there is more darkness than light. He is in a constant struggle in the sand, and it is very hard for us both. Well racing has taken quite a few of our weekends, and church attendance has not been up to par. This past Sunday was the first time we had been in 3 weeks, I think. The sermon series is on the "one anothers" in the bible. Love one another, forgive one another, be compassionate to one another, and this week was about Colossians 3:16. Let the word of Christ dwell in you richly as you teach and admonish one another with all wisdom, and as you sing psalms, hymns and spiritual songs with gratitude in your hearts to God. So we sang, we praised, and we worshipped for the whole hour. It was amazing, and I could feel His presence with us. It was powerful and moving. I could not stand still. Deep down I knew that the only One who hears me singing and thinks it is a joyful sound is the Lord, but it didn't matter. I just can't describe to you how great it was! Now, Brian was standing right next to me, but the only time I really noticed him was when I heard his big sighs. I was filled with joy and gratitude. My feeling lasted until later that night when I was trying to talk to Brian about it. I wanted to know if he felt it too. I was disappointed to hear that he had a different experience. He doesn't like to sing, and was bothered that it lasted the whole hour. He was irritated that he didn't see the pastor, and so self focused that his back and feet were hurting. I know that the experience was different because my heart and eyes are open, and his aren't. That doesn't make it any easier. My dad has told me that I can't push Brian, he has to come to it on his own, and that is so hard. I wanted to tell him that God was in that place, and maybe if he wasn't so self absorbed in his own thoughts, he would have noticed. I just keep praying for him to open his heart, and for the Holy Spirit to fill him with such force that he knows what an awesome gift we've been given. I know I can only continue to pray, and I will, because I love him, and want him to be the spiritual head of our household. If anyone has any suggestions, or could just pray for Brian as well, I would greatly appreciate it.

Run Down...Tired

Every day I have something to add to this blog. Something comes into my head, and a new post starts forming in my head. Unfortunately, I can't get everything else to stop so I can actually put it down in writing. I don't proclaim to be a writer, but some of the thoughts were good. I just can't think of any of them right now! I need to find more time, more down time. I am not a morning person. My daughter has to be at school by 7:25 am, and she in not a morning person either. I get up, let the dogs out, and then go into her room to wake her up. The entire process is taking longer each day. She is very hard to wake up, and I really just want to crawl into bed and snuggle back to sleep with her! But we trudge on, and when I come back home from taking her to school, I wake up the boys and my hubby, and start the routine all over again.

There are a few good things about getting up early. One is being able to see the sunrise. I started taking pictures of it, and it just reminds me about God's grace, and His love and amazing creation. The splendor of it sometimes takes my breath away! I have a few photos of the moon, and some giant marshmallow clouds covering the sun, with huge rays peeking out and reaching to the ground. I'll have to share some with you if I can narrow it down. I already have over 200, and my plan is to make a digital scrapbook. More of a faithbook, when I get around to it.

The second thing about getting up early.......caffeine free diet coke from the fountain at the gas station on the corner! If I am lucky enough to have a few extra minutes, I'll swing in there and splurge on one. The 44 0z. will last me all day, because I sip it slowly while I guzzle my water with green tea.

I'll leave you with some things that I have gotten accomplished lately. I have been in an organizing funk lately, which is also not me. I have been through recipe books, and compiled a three page list of main dishes and sides, then formulated a six week meal plan. The first meal was tonight, spicy pork stir fry with brown rice and broccoli. It was very good! Tomorrow is creamy chicken in the crock pot because I have a scrapbooking workshop. I have also cleaned out the kitchen cabinets and pantry, with the help of Brooke and Zach. I am so pleased that I can open up the tupperware or pots and pans cabinet without something falling out on the floor! My next step is getting everything on a calendar, that is centrally located in the kitchen, to keep track of everyone's schedule. Maybe I can also post some pictures of the meal plan binder, and inspire you to have freedom from the constant "what's for dinner?" from the kids and hubby.

This weekend is the last race of the season for Zach, and I still haven't explained to you what quarter midget racing is. Add that to my to do list. I'd better go put that on my calendar!

A terrible loss...

As many of you know, I love to scrapbook, and I love Creative Memories. I sell the stuff because I love it, and I love the company. The consultants are a close knit group, and I love the support they provide. I received an email requesting prayer for an upline who lives in Florida. Her 19 year old daughter contracted bacterial meningitis at college. She was on a bus trip Thursday, and Friday in a coma. They were pumping her with antibiotics, and wanted everyone to pray. When I checked my email tonight, I learned that she had passed away. Rachel was only 19, she has two brothers, and she had a love for life and dance. The email had a few pictures, and as I read I was crying. My daughter was sitting beside me, and profoundly, said " God has something bigger planned for her in Heaven." We may not understand it, but Brooke is right. God called her home, to be with Him. This place is only a temporary residence, our eternal future is with God. Rachel is dancing in Heaven, and she feels no sorrow. Please pray for her family, that they will find peace and healing in this painful time, and that they will cling to God for strength. Now thank God for all He has given you, and go kiss your kids one more time tonight.

Prayer request

Encourage one another and build each other up, just as in fact you are doing...
Live in peace with each other. And we urge you, brothers, warn those
who are idle, encourage the timid, help the weak, be patient with everyone.
Pray continually; give thanks in all circumstances, for this is God's will for
you in Christ Jesus. 1 Thessalonians 5:11, 13-14, 17-18.

I have a sister in Christ, a fellow blogger, and a friend I've never met or spoken to other than by means of the web. I try to keep up on her daily life by reading her blog, and sending emails. She gave me a wonderful idea a few weeks ago, and I have still not done it. I need to move it to the top of my list! Anyway, she inspires me, and she needs prayer. She is having some trouble with her feet, and I told her I would pray for healing. She is also suffering from excessive fatigue over the last couple of days. Kind of like the flu, but she doesn't feel ill. She specifically mentioned spiritual warfare, and it struck me. I have been feeling like that as well. Not really sick, but tired and lazy. I told Niki I would pray for her, and I am calling out to all you prayer warriors out there to do so as well. So I pray for Niki, and anyone else who is suffering right now.

Dear Heavenly Father, I come to You with a heart full of thanks. You are my comforter, and my healer. You love me to the fullest, and bless me with Your favor. Thank You for loving me enough to die for me, and for always being here to listen. Lord, I lift up Niki tonight. She is in pain and weak and weary. I ask that you fill her with your Holy Spirit so that she can feel your presence and love. I pray for You to heal her from this pain, and remove it from her life. Return her to her normal, loving, nurturing self. I ask that You equip her with whatever she may need to win this spiritual warfare she is facing. We stand up and rebuke evil in Your name, and cry out to You in victory. Protect her, guide her, comfort her, and bless her. May she continue to seek You and praise You for the miracles in her life. In Jesus name. Amen

Prayer is a simple thing, yet so powerful. I am thankful that I have friends and family praying for me daily, and am glad to be able to return the gift anytime. God Bless you Niki, and anyone else who needs lifted up.

One of those...

I am having one of those days. You moms know what I mean, but I will elaborate anyway in hopes that I will feel better when I get it off my chest. OK, yesterday was the first day of school. That itself has me out of sorts. My daughter started middle school, ugh, and my oldest son third grade. They are in different schools. She has to be at school at 7:30 am, and he has to be there at 8:45 am. At 12:30 I had to take my hubby to the airport, and I will pick him up again Friday night. (He is in Texas enjoying the tropical storm.) So at 1:30 pm, I had dropped 3 of my loved ones off at different locations, and explained to my 3 year old at least 30 times why daddy would not be "right back." I was going by the middle school, which by the way, our house is a mere 3 miles from, and on the same road, but they are widening the road and it is closed right before the school, so we have to enjoy a detour four times a day. I digress...anyway, driving by and thinking it's almost time to pick her up. Do I really want to detour to get home for 30 minutes, and detour back? We opted to sit in the parking lot and watch the newest installment of Veggietales. The chill time was needed by both of us. My daughter had a great day in middle school, and I hope she continues to enjoy it. Third grade was "good" for Zach too. It's funny, Brooke told me every little incident about her day, and Zach says "good" and that's all I get. I tried asking him questions, and he was a good sport for a few of them, and then he grew tired of it. We came home, and then ran Brooke to dance, ran to McD's for the boys, home to eat, back to dance to video tape choreography, back home, back to dance to video and pick Brooke up, back home and finally to bed. We started over again this morning, but I did have a wonderful friend take Zach to school. He had hesitations at first, but he doesn't really like change. He informed me when I picked him up that he wanted to ride with Andrew all the time. I don't feel like super mom, and I don't feel the love right now!

I am such a home body, and I cherish the time that we have together with nowhere we need to go. Tonight was one of those nights. I was so excited, and ready to snuggle up with the kiddos and read, watch TV, and have fun. I'll start with the disclaimer that those were pretty wide hopes for 3 tired kiddos. The boys had pent up energy and were wrestling around. Both ended up in tears and I was ready to pull my hair out. Brooke was whining, she wants a laptop for Christmas, but she wants it now...she doesn't want to eat leftovers...she wants a computer for her room and she will be happy...whine..whine..whine.. The boys have one of those nerf dart guns, and Zach thought he would shoot Brooke, and she would stop annoying him. Then Matthew took the gun from Zach, and he was going to shoot her while Zach held her. Brooke pushed Zach away, he ran over to her and punched her, hard, and started to scream at her as he ran away. It was at this point, 7:45 pm, that I had reached my limit. I asked Zach to go to bed, as he had been warned already. He is immediately repentant and refuses to go upstairs until Brooke has to as well. Brooke goes, but I spend the next 45 minutes asking Zach to please stop talking and go to bed. He just wanted to talk...He was sorry..I am a dumbo...he's gonna get Brooke, it's all her fault.. I start taking privileges away..he tells me to shut up..this is not going well..he takes his glasses off and throws them to the floor..they are broken..my hubby calls me back and I don't want to immediately go off on him so I ask how the meetings are going. No real answer, and I am trying not to complain that he was supposed to call me around lunch time and didn't, when he tells me his phone is about to die. And it does...

That is the day I am having. I know some of you can relate, and I sypathize with you. I am feeling your pain right now.
I pray for all the moms out there, Lord, I just ask that you bless us with your favor, and fill us with the Holy Spirit. Forgive our sins and help us to start clean with You every day. Our mercies are new with You every morning, and I am so thankful. You give me strength when I am weak, refresh me when I am tired. Please help me to use the opportunities that You give me, so that I grow in You, and teach those around me as well. Help me to lead my children into Your light, and train them in Your ways. Thank You for the peace given to me.

Addendum to previous

This is a continuation to my last post on By His Wounds. Apparently my listening skills are being honed in well, because one of my devotions yesterday was on this exact verse from Isaiah 53:5. "But he was pierced for our transgressions, he was crushed for our iniquities; the punishment that brought us peace was upon him, and by his wounds we are healed." In total understanding now that this message is directed clearly at me by my Savior, I delved a little deeper.

Why is He sending me this verse, and how can I apply it to my life? After thinking and praying about it, I discovered that I often times feel so unworthy of His love and sacrifice. I feel unworthy of His great sacrifice for little old me, not that I am a criminal or anything like that, but I do sin. I fall short daily and allow fear in, harbor resentment, am quick to anger at times, unable to control my tongue and speak gossip, turn to food as a source of comfort, fall prey to judgement. Even now, I want you to understand where I am coming from, agree with me, accept me for who I am, an unworthy sinner. But I know that doesn't come from you, because we all struggle with things and issues daily. We are human, and satan is trying his hardest to help us fail. We are all unworthy, and Jesus knew that when he was beaten and tortured. He knew that when He was made to carry His cross. He knew it when He was dying and said it is finished. He knew it, but He came, He died, and He rose again for us anyway!! Jesus loves every one of us. No one is beyond His redemption, healing, salvation and grace. He wants us to experience the depth of God's love through His nail scarred hands. Those same hands that comfort me when I am weak, they comfort you too. They comfort people in prison for heinous crimes, and they provide healing to drug addicts in their pain. I guess I am learning that we are all unworthy, but He loves us all the same. He deemed me worthy long before He put me here on this earth.
He was pierced for my transgressions, He was crushed for my iniquities. The punishment that brought me peace was upon Him, and by His wounds, I am healed. Thank You Jesus, my Savior!